And it was thereby decreed that May 17 be known throughout the world as Da Vinci day. And the multitude gathered before the great glass pyramid to celebrate the progeny of the godhead. For on that day were the eyes of the people made open, and they beheld the image of the word. And in the city of Cannes they rolled out the red carpet and watched the film for the first time. And thanks be to God -- they thought it was a load of old bollox. I have vowed to be the last person in earth who has not read the book. And I am extremely glad that the film looks like being panned. (This is written within hours of the premiere). Yes I am a pedantic Dan Brownophobe. I skimmed through the first pages of the book a year ago and could tell straight away that we were dealing with first-grade garbage. And I am sick to the back teeth of people -- apparently intelligent people -- saying either 1)that maybe there's something in it because when you think about it women have been repressed by the church for two millennia or 2) that it isn't normally their kind of book and no they don't belive a word of it -- but what a cracking read! No it is not a cracking read. It is a painfully written potboiler that takes cheap shots at an easy target i.e. the catholic church. And no, there is nothing in the slightest bit credible about the story. I am sad to see France succumbing to the hype. The Champs-Elysees metro stations have been turned into Da Vinci code emporia, and a Eurostar train has been specially repainted. I am reminded of friends of mine who -- when the craze for glossy "people" mags first broke out 20 years ago -- used to buy them with the disclaimer that they weren't really interested in the doings of Princess Di, but it was all a nice bit of fun. Rubbish. That's exactly what the celebrity purveyors want you to say. So do the world a favour -- boycott the lot of them -- Dan Brown, Princess Di, Paris Hilton and all.